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tingrecaTitle: Stay
Author: Sarah B. Leonard
Fandom: NCIS
Pairings: Gibbs/DiNozzo
Rating: R
Warnings: Adult concepts, adult language, angst
Word count: 1,500 with the lyrics
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended. Lyrics to the song "Stay" by Jennifer Nettles, copyright Jennifer Nettles Publishing (If I have anything wrong I apologize for my ignorance.)
Authors note: On the long drive into work this morning I heard this song and had the idea for what follows. I hope you enjoy it. I enjoy feedback (hint, hint). (Oh - and December 31st is a blue moon, here anyway. Maybe that's why the angsty fic...)
STAY
I been sittin' here starin'
At the clock on the wall
And I been layin' here prayin'
Prayin' she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be cryin'
Oh damn. It’s that song again. Jethro is asleep, lying next to me, under the covers of my bed. And I can hear that song. That gorgeous voice. She brings me to tears every time I hear it: Jennifer Nettles. Sugarland. It’s playing in my mind while I listen, unable to turn it off. His arm is slung across my chest, his breath trickles across my face. He’s asleep and I am wide awake and dreading the call. Damn.
Why do I do this to myself? Why don’t I just grow a pair and make him choose? He doesn’t need Stephanie any more than he needed Diane or even his first ex-wife. The only one he ever needed was Shannon and well, there’s nothing he can do about her now. The one he needs now is me. I can tell when he makes love to me. I know by the way he shakes when he comes, by how deeply he thrusts, by how fiercely and sometimes almost too powerfully he uses me. He overwhelms me and I let him do it. Gladly. He needs me, not some tiny little dependent redhead. When he makes love to her, or pretends to anyway, I’ll bet he has to hold back so much of himself. He needs a match to his strength, not someone to bleed away his power. Not someone to diminish him. He needs someone strong beneath him. Behind him. Someone on his six.
And I'll be beggin' you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waitin'
With my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dyin'
Don’t leave, Jethro. When will I have you back again – between work, your wife and that damn boat I get so little of you. Should I beg? Should I plead? No – that’s worse than an apology to you. I know that. I try so hard to hide what I could be for you at work, but I feel your eyes watching me. I can tell when you need to touch me. I know when your hand just itches to slap my head. I goad you into that release, you know. I give you an excuse to touch me, in front of all of them. Do you know how I want to break when you finally contact me? Can you sense how I want to grab you and hold you close? That when I say “Thank you, Boss.” I really am thanking you for finally touching me, even if it is only a head slap. Sometimes, I would just die for a head slap from you.
What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me
Stephanie can’t stand up to you, can’t defy you as I can. Damn – if you head-slapped her she’d have you up for assault if she didn’t just break into a thousand little tiny needy whiny pieces, just like tempered glass. She’d be shattered on the floor. Can you pound into her the way you pound into me? Can she handle your power? Your need? Can she let you feel any strength back from her? Can she let you use your strength?
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)
Yeah. Speaking of down on my knees, do you get that from her? Do you stand for her as you do for me, legs spread for balance, hands gripping tightly into my hair as I suck with everything I have? Can you mess her hair, run your fingers through it as you grab hold for support? Do your fingers curl with passion? Does she make you moan? Does she know how to swirl her tongue around you, tease that spot beneath the crown of your dick and then swallow you deep into her throat? Could she swallow? Could she, Jethro? Does she crave the taste of you like I do? Then lick you clean as eagerly as I do while I hold you upright, keep you standing through the pleasure that my mouth offers you? Would she grip your ass hard enough to hold you when your knees get weak when you come? Can she match what you can take from me?
You keep tellin' me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like bein' used
And I'm tired of waitin'
But you know, dammit, you fuckin’ know I will wait. Forever if I have to because that’s who I am. I am yours. It’s so obvious. Everyone can tell. They can tell how much I want you, desire you, sweat for you. They can probably guess how readily I open for you, how I take you inside of me. How I squeeze you, how I tremble beneath you. How I scream out your name when I can’t hold it any longer. How much I love you and how much I hate to come because then I know it’s almost over again and you will shake and grip my arms as you press down into me and yell a wordless shout as you shoot into me. Your secret lover. Your hidden whore. Your receptacle.
It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share
Share. I have to share you. I can rarely ever have you for more than a few hours; never have you for the night. You won’t stay. You won’t lie to her. And I respect you for that. Yes, I do. You made those vows and you won’t abandon her and you won’t lie to her. You won’t tell her about me. I understand. And I still have your six. And your nine and your twelve and all your numbers. I vow to always protect you, to the best of my ability.
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay (yeah)
We don’t have to, Jethro, but we will. I can only hope that someday she will tire of your temper, tire of your endless belief in your work. Tire of that boat and the smell of sawdust. Tire of the bourbon. Tire of your dominant self. But how could she tire of your passion, your strength, that sly humor, that seldom used but glowing smile. Those devastating all-knowing all-seeing blue eyes that look into my soul and strip me naked. I know I never will. Never.
I can't take it any longer
But my will is gettin' stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you'll find
You wanna leave her bed for mine
I will always give you my best: at work, in bed, in my heart, on my damn knees. I know I will treasure whatever you can give me, what small part I rate, what short time I earn. And when you consent to give me some time, I will move heaven and earth and even the Director to get that moment with you. That once in a blue moon moment. Come to me; come for me; come in me. Whatever you want from me is yours without question.
Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah
Oh
You can’t give me you. I know that. I can hope though. I can keep my options open for you, keep you as safe as I can. I love you, Jethro. I love you and I need whatever you can give me, whatever you can share. Don’t deny me your smile, your touch, your headslaps, your six and especially, don’t ever deny me your love. I’m here for you when you need me, when you want me, when you take me. Here, by your side, where I belong. Here is where I will always stay.
STAY © JENNIFER NETTLES PUBLISHING
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 03:09 am (UTC)gentle journey,
twi
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Date: 2009-12-31 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 04:26 pm (UTC)I'll have to hear the song when I get the chance. Though right now I better go get ready for the New Years dinner, which start in about half an hour.
Happy New Year
no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 04:55 pm (UTC)(and this still isn't the serious one we were talking about... still writing on that one.)
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Date: 2010-01-01 05:25 pm (UTC)Hope you had a good New Years :)
I certainly did, (though we kinda haven't stopped yet, 'cause we see each other so rarely)
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Date: 2009-12-31 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 08:16 pm (UTC)I just had to do something with that wonderful song. Please forgive my liberties.
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Date: 2009-12-31 09:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 11:04 pm (UTC)There are two smutty ones in the works, though.
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Date: 2009-12-31 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-03 01:33 pm (UTC)Laura.
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Date: 2010-01-03 02:48 pm (UTC)I'm glad you found it lovely. Thank you!
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Date: 2010-01-04 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-05 01:51 am (UTC)